Exercise: Calm Your Anxious Mind

Transcript

This is episode 12 of In The Messy Podcast. I'm your host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, Canada. And this podcast exists because we envision a future where every relationship, no matter how messy it may seem, has the potential to evolve into something beautiful and thriving. And if you like this podcast, I'd love it if you could hit the subscribe button and if you wanna really make my day, please leave a review.

So today we're going to do a grounding exercise to help you with your anxious attachment style. So when you're ready, let's begin.

Welcome. Take a moment to settle in, seated or lying down, whichever feels most supportive. Let your hands rest. Where they feel naturally comfortable and allow your eyes to soften or close if that feels safe for you and before we begin breathing intentionally, simply notice that you are here. You've chosen to show up for yourself. Take a moment to acknowledge that.

So let's start with a gentle skin of your body. Not to fix anything, but to meet it. Notice your feet, the weight of them, your legs, your hips supported. Beneath you, your spine lengthening just slightly, your shoulder softening. Your jaw un-clenching.

If you notice tension anywhere, just say silently. It's okay.

Now. We'll begin with slow grounding breaths.

Inhale through your nose, allowing your belly to expand first. Then your ribs and then your chest. Exhale through your mouth with a long, easy release. Again, inhale for count of 4, 2, 3, 4. A soft pause and exhale for 6, 4, 3, 2, 1, and let your breath be a little slower than usual, but never forced. Let it feel like a gentle invitation.

As we continue imagine your breath as a warm blanket wrapping around your nervous system. Soft, steady, reassuring. Now place a hand on your belly, or your chest, wherever feels most comforting. This hand is a cue of safety, of presence, of connection. Breathe into that hand. Feel the rise with every inhale and the gentle fall.

With every exhale, let the breath move like waves arriving and receding.

For people with anxious attachment, the body often holds old messages. I need to stay alert. I need to earn love. Something might change suddenly. I'm not okay.

And right now with this breath, you're giving your body a different message. In this moment, I am safe. I don't have to chase anything. I am allowed to rest.

Let's breathe into those truths.

Inhale, I am safe.

Exhale. I can soften.

Now we'll shift into a rhythm that helps regulate the heart and calm attachment, anxiety. Inhale for 4, 2, 3, 4. Hold, and out for 6, 2, 3, 4, 5, 4. Inhale for 4, 2, 3, 4. Hold and out.

I will repeat this four more times. Breathe in

and out.

Breathe in

hold and out.

You can move at your own pace.

Let each exhale signal to your body. You can let go now. You don't need to stay on high alert.

And as you breathe, bring to mind the idea of secure presence, not from another person, but from yourself.

And notice how your breathing shows up for you.

How it keeps arriving without you having to perform or prove anything.

This is the quality of secure attachment, dependable, steady, available.

Let your breath be your anchor.

Now imagine a warm light resting in the center of your chest, your heart. And with each inhale, this light expands just slightly, and with each exhale, it settles deeper into your body, creating warmth, predictability, and steadiness.

This light represents your capacity to self-soothe, to feel grounded, to trust your internal rhythm. To be with yourself without fear of abandonment.

It is always here, even when thoughts feel chaotic.

If anxious thoughts or sensations arise. Tightness in the chest, fluttering in the stomach urgency. Just notice them as parts of you that are trying to protect you. Say silently. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I'm here now.

You don't have to work so hard.

Let those parts soften as you exhale.

We will ease into another round of breath regulation. Inhale through the nose for five.

And exhale for seven.

Take your time with this. Repeating for three rounds.

Let the exhale be a releasing, settling, grounding wave.

Now return to your natural breathing. Notice the rhythm, the quality, the softness that may have emerged. Notice how your body feels held from the inside. Notice if there is a little more space in your chest or belly.

Notice the quietness that wasn't here before.

You've given yourself co-regulation from within.

You've practiced secure connection with your own body.

I can help myself feel safe.

I can self soothe.

My worth isn't dependent on someone else's attention or availability.

I am allowed to feel calm.

I am allowed to rest

To close, take one last deep breath, inhale slowly, fully, generously, and exhale completely letting everything soften. Begin to wiggle your fingers and your toes. Roll your shoulders gently, and when you're ready, open your eyes bringing this grounded, secure self with you.

So as we wrap up our 12th episode, we went on a journey of grounding your anxious attachment. If you found this episode helpful, you can feel free to re-listen to this. In times of distress, whenever you need a moment to calm down that anxious part of yourself, and if nobody has told you yet, I believe in you and I'm here for you in the messy.