In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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Healing Anxious Attachment from the Inside Out
If you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan shares how to heal anxious attachment from the inside out using evidence-based therapy approaches like IFS, EFT, DBT, and EMDR. Learn why anxious attachment isn’t a life sentence, how nervous system healing creates real change, and the emotional skills needed to build secure, healthy relationships. This episode includes personal insights, real client transformations, and a clear path toward feeling calm, grounded, and worthy of love.
Feeling Behind in Life: Running Out of Time
In this episode, host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, explores the deeply familiar fear of “running out of time.” Whether it’s relationships, career, mental health, or life milestones, Jan unpacks why this anxiety shows up, how social comparison and attachment patterns fuel it, and what’s happening in the nervous system when urgency takes over. Through real client examples and a compassionate, trauma-informed lens, she shares practical coping tools—from grounding and journaling to reframing self-talk, prioritizing small steps, and building long-term emotional resilience. This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to fix everything at once, and that meaningful change begins by focusing on what you can control, right now.
Exercise: Calm Your Anxious Mind
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan leads you through a calming grounding exercise to help ease anxious attachment and settle your nervous system. With gentle breathing, body awareness, and soft affirmations, you’ll learn how to feel safer in your body and quiet the urge to stay on high alert.
This short practice is perfect for anyone who feels anxious in relationships, struggles with overthinking, or needs a moment to slow down and reconnect with themselves
Finding Freedom from Fear
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so difficult—but life-changing. Learn how exposure, physical resilience, and the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC) help you overcome fear, build emotional strength, and break old patterns. Perfect for anyone struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or past mistakes.
Understanding Anxiety's Hidden Story and Fear
In this episode, we dive into the roots of anxiety—where it comes from, why it sticks, and how your brain keeps old fear stories alive. Through personal reflection and practical tools, you’ll learn how to name your fear, separate instinct from irrational worry, and rebuild safety through gentle exposure. A compassionate roadmap for anyone ready to shift from reactivity to resilience
Managing Anxiety Triggers with Mindfulness
In this episode, we explore what happens when anxiety takes over after being triggered. Through a client’s real-life story, you’ll learn why anxiety is a neutral signal from your body, how to recognize when you’ve moved outside your window of tolerance, and how to ground yourself using research-based tools like the 5-4-3-2-1 method and the STOP technique. With mindfulness and self-awareness, you’ll discover how to move from overwhelm to clarity and begin using anxiety as a guide instead of a barrier.
Anxious Attachment: Understanding and Managing Anxiety
In this episode, we dive into anxious attachment—what it is, how it develops, and the patterns that keep it alive. Through relatable stories, research-based insight, and practical tools, you'll learn how to recognize anxious attachment in yourself, understand its roots, and take steps toward building more secure, fulfilling relationships.
How to Understand Your Disorganized Attachment Style
In this episode, we unpack the truth about disorganized attachment—what it really means, how it forms, and how healing is possible. Through honest reflection, research-based insight, and practical strategies, you'll learn how to recognize this attachment style and take empowering steps toward secure, connected relationships.
If you liked this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review!
Finding Your Relationship Vision
In this episode, we explore three powerful steps to create your “normal but perfect” life and relationship. Through vision setting, intentional decision-making, and consistent action, you’ll learn how to build a future that aligns with who you truly are—one meaningful step at a time.
If you liked this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review!
How to Understand Your Relationship Cycle
Today we have a special guest, Caleb Tse, a Registered Psychotherapist to help us understand how we get triggered into “demon dialogues”—otherwise known as cycles that keep us stuck in negative patterns in our relationship. Through an insightful lens, Caleb shares what we can do when we find ourselves in those difficult moments.
If you liked this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review!
As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams.
EXERCISE: Relaxing Your Anxious Attachment
Jan takes a unique approach by guiding you through an experiential journey of self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional resilience. Today, she leads you in a progressive muscle relaxation and visualization exercise. You’ll learn to release tension, explore your inner peace, and build emotional strength. Whether you’re managing stress or healing attachment wounds, this episode offers a calming, mindful experience you can return to again and again.
3 Strategies To Manage Your Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment style—a common relational pattern marked by fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance. Through a compassionate and insightful lens, Jan explores how anxious attachment develops, how it manifests in relationships, and most importantly, three powerful strategies to manage it: cultivating self-awareness, building emotional resilience, and developing secure habits. If you haven’t listened to Episodes 1 and 2 yet, make sure to check them out for a foundational understanding of attachment styles. Tune in for practical tips and reflections to help transform your anxious attachment style into healthier, more secure relationships.
How To Master Your Anxious Attachment Style
Today’s episode is all about the anxious attachment style—a topic that might hit close to home for many. Anxious Attachment Style is a complex strategy people use when they feel their attachment needs are not being met. In our previous episode, we talked about how all humans have an inherent biological and emotional need to feel safe and secure. This is through ARE relationships (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged). We’ll explore its roots, how it shows up in relationships, and practical strategies for managing it.
Attachment 101: Figure Out Your Attachment Style
Welcome to In the Messy Podcast! I’m Jan, your host, and I’m beyond excited to kick off our very first episode. Today, we’re diving into the fascinating world of attachment styles—a topic that’s crucial for understanding how we connect with others, form relationships, and navigate the ups and downs of life. Whether you’re familiar with attachment theory or hearing about it for the first time, this episode is your crash course on the basics.
We’ll explore how attachment theory, developed by the brilliant minds of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, helps explain the ways we seek safety and security in our relationships. From the warm, secure attachments that make us feel loved and protected to the more complex, insecure styles that can leave us feeling anxious or disconnected, you’ll gain insight into the powerful forces that shape our emotional worlds.
But don’t worry—this isn’t just a dry lecture. We’re breaking it down in a way that’s easy to understand and directly relevant to your life. Whether you’re reflecting on your childhood, considering your current relationships, or just curious about human behavior, this episode is for you.
So, grab your headphones, get comfortable, and let’s dive into the messy, beautiful complexity of attachment styles. And hey, if you find this episode enlightening, don’t forget to hit subscribe and share it with someone who might need it. Let’s start this journey together!