In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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How Come Everyone’s Relationship Is Perfect and Mine Isn’t?
Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”
Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.
Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you
How to Journal for Anxiety: The SLOW Journaling Method
Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan introduces the SLOW Journaling Method, a simple four-step practice for anxiety, overthinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxious attachment.
You’ll learn how to Settle your body, Let the noise out, Observe and name your emotions, and listen to your Wise Self to choose one small next step. Jan also shares how journaling supported her through miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, and some of the darkest moments of her life.
This episode explores how to use journaling without turning it into rumination, how to recognize your inner critic, separate facts from the stories your anxious mind creates, and reconnect with your secure self.
How to Rebuild Trust After Cheating
What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and relationship repair—without using attachment as an excuse for infidelity.
Learn why people cheat, how loneliness and validation can contribute to infidelity, the warning signs that often come before cheating, and what to do afterward. Jan discusses taking responsibility, telling the truth, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and creating healthier patterns.
Fear of Cheating: Anxiety, Trust & Self-Trust
Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.
Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.
Why You Want Your Ex Back After a Breakup
Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.
Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.
When Someone You Love Fails You | Grief, Broken Trust & Healing
In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.
If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.
How to Heal Anxious Attachment | Why You're Still Triggered
In this deeply personal episode, registered psychotherapist Jan explores why healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming perfect or never getting triggered again. Instead, it's about learning how to regulate your nervous system, understand your attachment wounds, build emotionally safe relationships, and stay connected to yourself even during life's most painful moments.
Jan shares practical strategies for managing activation, explains why healing looks different for everyone, and opens up about her own 20+ year journey with insecure attachment
The 5 Regrets You'll Wish You Avoided: Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious attachment, emotional healing, and becoming your secure self.
Together, we'll explore how fear of rejection, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, overworking, and self-abandonment quietly shape our relationships and daily decisions. You'll learn how anxious attachment can influence the choices you make—and how to start living with greater authenticity instead of fear.
Secure Love vs. Attachment Wounds: How to Choose Better Relationships
Secure love isn't about finding a perfect person. It's about learning to recognize emotional safety, consistency, accountability, and mutual care—and choosing relationships that don't require you to abandon yourself to be loved.
If healthy love wasn't modeled for you growing up, secure relationships may feel unfamiliar. But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe, and intensity doesn't automatically mean connection.
You don't have to earn love by chasing, proving, fixing, or performing. The healthiest relationships allow you to be fully yourself while growing together.
The Father Wound: Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns
If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.
Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.