In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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Why You Want Your Ex Back After a Breakup
Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.
Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.
When Someone You Love Fails You | Grief, Broken Trust & Healing
In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.
If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.
The 5 Regrets You'll Wish You Avoided: Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode of In the Messy, Jan explores the powerful lessons from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware through the lens of anxious attachment, emotional healing, and becoming your secure self.
Together, we'll explore how fear of rejection, people-pleasing, emotional suppression, overworking, and self-abandonment quietly shape our relationships and daily decisions. You'll learn how anxious attachment can influence the choices you make—and how to start living with greater authenticity instead of fear.
Why Your Anxious Attachment Gets Triggered
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan explains why anxious attachment gets triggered, what feeling memories are, and how your nervous system can mistake uncertainty for danger. You'll also learn practical ways to regulate your emotions, communicate from your Secure Self, and build healthier, more secure relationships.
Whether you experience anxious attachment yourself or you're dating someone who does, this episode offers compassionate, research-informed guidance rooted in attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).
From Insecure to Secure: What Actually Creates Healthy Relationships
If you've ever wondered which attachment style is the hardest to date, which attachment style takes the longest to move on, or whether certain attachment styles are doomed in relationships, this episode is for you.
In this honest and compassionate conversation, Jan explores some of the most common questions people ask about attachment theory—and challenges the idea that attachment labels determine your relationship destiny. While anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure attachment styles can help us understand our patterns, they are not life sentences.
You'll learn why the hardest relationships are often not about attachment styles at all, but about self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation, and a willingness to grow. Jan also discusses how trauma, stress, burnout, grief, and life circumstances can influence the way attachment patterns show up in relationships.
Religious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.
Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.
Day 6: Practicing Secure Attachment in Real Life
In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.
Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).
Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.
Day 5: Becoming Your Secure Self
In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.
Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.
Day 4: Rewriting Core Beliefs About Love and Worth
Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?
In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.
Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.
Day 3: Identifying Deep Needs And Pain Cycles
In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.
Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.
Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.