EXERCISE: Relaxing Your Anxious Attachment

Transcript

This is episode 4 of In the Messy Podcast. I’m your host, Jan, a practicing psychotherapist in Ontario, Canada. This podcast exists because we envision a future where every relationship, no matter how messy it may seem, has the potential to evolve into something beautiful and thriving. If you like this podcast, I’d love if you could hit the subscribe button and if you want to make my day, please leave a review. It’s one of the only ways I can interact with you all. This is a continuation of episode 3: how to manage your anxious attachment style. What we’re going to do is a little different. Instead of me teaching you theory, today’s episode will be experiential. I’m not going to tell you how to do it…we’re going to do it together. So before we get started, take a moment to just sit or lie down. We are going to bring in some self-awareness and self-compassion so that you can build up emotional resilience. As you keep doing this, you will start to notice a shift in your body, mind, and emotions. So when you’re ready, let’s begin.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation & Visualization

This is going to be a time of complete relaxation. Make a conscious effort to relax as totally as possible. Get into a comfortable position and close your eyes. For the next few moments, concentrate on your breathing.

Try to see and feel your lungs, sensing how they feel as you breathe in…and feel them as they are completely expanded…and exhale and sense how they feel as you release.

There is no right or wrong way to do what you are doing now. Whatever results you get are perfect results. And if all you do is relax, that is absolutely fine.

This is not a time to worry about any of the things that are happening in your day-to-day life. This is a time only for you. You are in control.

Now, once again, concentrate on your lungs. Picture them in your mind’s eye. Inhale and see if you can imagine them filled with strengthening oxygen. And exhale and imagine them as you relax.

If your mind drifts away, just bring yourself slowly back to where you are or where you want to be. You are doing nothing wrong, and anything you do will be a success.

And now, in your mind’s eye, you can see or hear a message, and the message is RELAX. All over, every cell of every bone, of muscle, nerve organ, and skin tissue, feels a sense of melting into relaxation

Now, bring your attention to your left foot and ankle, and as you inhale, gently flex your foot, and as you exhale, release and relax your foot.

Not bring your attention to your right foot and ankle, and as you inhale, gently flex your foot, and as you exhale, release and relax your foot.

Let all the cares of the day drain out through your feet.

And any noise you may hear will only deepen your relaxation

And now, feeling the muscles of your left calf, inhale, contract the muscles of your left calf and exhale and let it relax.

And now, feeling the muscles of your right calf, inhale, contract those muscles, and exhale, letting them completely release.

And, of course, adjust your breathing rhythm to what is most comfortable for you, remembering to inhale relaxation, peace, and love for yourself, and to exhale tension and all the pressures of the day.

This is a learning process…learning to relax…learning to be at ease…learning to be peaceful with yourself.

And now, bring your attention to the muscles of your left thigh, inhale and contract the muscles of your left thigh, exhale, feeling relaxation pour in.

Bring your attention to the muscles of your right thigh, inhale, and contract the muscles of your right thigh, and exhale, feeling release throughout both legs.

And now shift your focus to your behind, inhale and contract your behind, and exhale, letting your bottom relax.

And again, shift your focus to your stomach, inhale and contract your stomach, and exhale and let your stomach relax…relax…relax…

And now, bring your attention to your chest, inhale and feel your chest fill with oxygen. And as you exhale, release any tightness that may be there. Let all the tensions of the day just relax out.

And there’s that feeling, that concept of relaxation consciously in your mind and body that is the sensation of relaxation.

Bring your attention to your hands. And as you inhale, close both your hands tightly, and as you exhale, release and let go. Let go of everything you are holding onto and relax.

You may open your palms to receive warmth and vitalizing energy. And feel the sense of relaxation move up through your hands, through your forearms, through your elbows, and up to your shoulders.

And focus attention on your shoulders, and as you inhale, contract your shoulders, hold, and as you exhale, feel all the tension that is there release out.

And feel the point between your shoulders, the base of your neck, and feel warm energy melting away any buildup of pressure that is there.

And feel this warm peaceful energy move up through your neck, feel your neck release. Your head is comfortably supported, and your neck relaxes completely.

And the muscles of your face now. Gently tense the muscles of your chin, your mouth, your nose, your cheeks, your eyes, and your forehead, and then let your entire face loosen and relax.

Let yourself be as relaxed as you now are. If there is any part of your body that is not completely relaxed, inhale now, and let any last bit of tension melt out as you exhale.

And if your attention drifts, that’s fine, just as long as you are completely comfortable and relaxed.

Many things are changing in your body, all of which are normal and wonderful, just through your relaxation and visualization.

STAIR AND FOREST VISUALIZATION

And now, imagine yourself at the top of a flight of 10 steps going down. You have been at the top of the stairs before, and you will be again. So this is completely familiar and feels safe to you. This is a time when you can just put your trust on the stairs to hold you up. You may see these stairs as leading deeper into yourself, to your inner place of peace and harmony. You will not be out of control in any way. You can trust. And everything is going to turn out exactly as you want it to.

And now, we are going to walk down these 10 steps, and with every step you take, you are going to relax just a little bit more.

And now, if you will, you may take the first step down. And with every step, your relaxation will continue to deepen.

And you may take another step down. And now you’ve taken two steps down.

And take another step down, relaxing just a little bit more with each step you take down.

And take another step down.

This is a time for relaxation. It is not necessary for you to go to sleep but if you want to that is fine. Or, if your mind drifts away. That’s fine. Nothing that you do is wrong.

And so, take another step down. Feel relaxation flow throughout your body.

And now you are halfway down the stairs. You have 5 more steps to go.

And take another step down. And see yourself on the sixth step and see how comfortable you feel, and how secure you feel and how trusting you feel.

And take another step down. And there is the word RELAX shining right before you.

And take another step down. And you have taken eight steps toward total relaxation.

And take another step, and feel yourself completely release. You have taken 9 steps with one more to go.

And now, take the last step down. And you are all the way down to the bottom of the stairs. You are at your core of peace and comfort. If you want to, as you remain in a state of complete relaxation, picture yourself before a gently moving stream. The sound of the running water is comforting. And if you can, listen to the sound of the running water. Really try to hear it………tinkling, gurgling, washing the rocks—and the sun is shining down on your body in a way that can’t hurt you at all, keeping you toasty warm.

And feel a light breeze over your body and how soothing it is. You can hear the breeze as it moves through the trees, gently rustling their leaves. And hear the stream as it flows over the rocks.

And underneath your feet is the warm earth, and behind you is a rolling meadow, friendly, protective, and full of flowers in bloom. And now, while you are standing there, perhaps you can see yourself at a time when you were very happy, content, and secure. And feel that happiness, feel that security, that carefree feeling, and know that is you. And remember that any noise you hear will just relax you further. And you can call back this feeling of happiness and contentment anytime you want to. It is your feeling, your memory. The only one in the world who has that memory is you.

And now, see yourself at the bottom of the same flight of stairs you just came down; you are going to walk back up those stairs. When you reach the top of the stairs, you will open your eyes and be back at the place where you started, feeling completely alert, and at least as well as you felt when you started, and most likely, much better and much more relaxed.

And so take the first step up, take a deep breath in, hold it comfortably, and exhale.

And now, the second step up, still feeling relaxed. And the third step up, and another deep breath in, holding it comfortably, and exhale. And take a fourth step up, continuing to feel very at ease.

And take the fifth step up…and you are halfway up…take another deep breath in, and exhale as you continue coming back.

And now take the sixth step up, and continue with the seventh step up. Your breathing is even and relaxed.

And take the eighth step up, remembering that when you reach the tenth step, you will be back where you started, feeling completely alert and at least as well as you felt when you started and, most likely, much better. And so, take the ninth step up, with another breath in, and out, and take the tenth and last step up, holding onto your feeling of complete relaxation.

And you are back at the place where you started, feeling completely alert and at least as well as you felt when you started, and most likely, much better. Allow yourself to take a few deep breaths in and allow the image to fade from your mind’s eye. And when you’re ready, you can bring yourself comfortably back…and you can open your eyes…

Conclusion

As we wrap up our fourth episode, you went on a journey of self-awareness and allowed yourself to explore places that you haven’t before. If ever you need to relax or you feel you attachment being triggered, replay this podcast as many times as you need. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, share, or leave a review. I’d love to hear your thoughts and any questions you might have.

Disclaimer:

As a disclaimer, In The Messy Podcast aims to provide general information only and does not serve as a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, or any other professional health care service. It is our personal mission to offer relationship insights so that you can have a thriving romantic relationship of your dreams.