In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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The Father Wound: Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns
If you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.
Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.
Religious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.
Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.
Mother’s Day, Anxious Attachment & the Need to Earn Love | Healing the Mother Wound
In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.
If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.
When Trust Is Broken: Anxious Attachment & Relationship Hurt
What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?
In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.
Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.
Why Healthy Love Feels Scary
Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.
Finding Freedom from Fear
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so difficult—but life-changing. Learn how exposure, physical resilience, and the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC) help you overcome fear, build emotional strength, and break old patterns. Perfect for anyone struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or past mistakes.
Understanding Anxiety's Hidden Story and Fear
In this episode, we dive into the roots of anxiety—where it comes from, why it sticks, and how your brain keeps old fear stories alive. Through personal reflection and practical tools, you’ll learn how to name your fear, separate instinct from irrational worry, and rebuild safety through gentle exposure. A compassionate roadmap for anyone ready to shift from reactivity to resilience