In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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Religious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.
Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.
Breakups, Grief & Anxious Attachment: How to Heal Without Losing Yourself
In Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still exists, but the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe.
If you’re struggling with a breakup, replaying memories, feeling abandoned, stuck in a shame spiral, or wondering “Was this my fault?”, this episode offers compassionate guidance for navigating the grief of losing someone you deeply cared about.
Mother’s Day, Anxious Attachment & the Need to Earn Love | Healing the Mother Wound
In Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.
If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.
Day 7: Expressing Needs As Your Secure Self
In Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs clearly, calmly, and without losing yourself.
If you struggle with overexplaining, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection in relationships, this episode gives you practical tools to communicate with confidence and emotional safety.
Inspired by attachment theory and Sue Johnson, you’ll learn simple frameworks like CLEAR (what to say), KIND (how to say it), and TRUE (self-respect) to build secure communication.
Day 6: Practicing Secure Attachment in Real Life
In Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.
Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).
Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.
Day 5: Becoming Your Secure Self
In Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.
Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.
Day 4: Rewriting Core Beliefs About Love and Worth
Do you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?
In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.
Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.
Day 3: Identifying Deep Needs And Pain Cycles
In Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.
Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.
Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.
Day 2: Regulating Before Relating
In this episode, Jan walks you through Day 2 of the Secure Self Workbook, focusing on a powerful shift: regulation before communication. If you struggle with anxious attachment, your reactions aren’t just emotional—they’re physiological.
Learn how your nervous system responds to perceived rejection, understand your window of tolerance, and recognize signs of hyperarousal and shutdown. Jan guides you through simple grounding exercises and reflection prompts to help you pause, regulate, and respond from a more secure place.
This episode is a practical step toward building emotional stability, breaking reactive patterns, and creating healthier, more secure relationships.
Day 1: Understanding Anxious Attachment
Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?
In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.
Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.