In The Messy Podcast
Welcome to In the Messy. In The Messy (in-ti-macy) is more than a play on words — it’s a podcast for people who want to heal their relationships from the inside out.
Hosted by Janette Chu, a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), this podcast explores the real, raw, and often messy parts of being human. Whether you're navigating anxiety, attachment wounds, relational conflict, or parenting struggles, you’ll find grounded insights, compassionate guidance, and practical tools rooted in therapy.
Each episode offers support for individuals, couples, and families—drawing from evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and more. Together, we’ll explore how your past may be shaping your present, how to move through disconnection with care, and how to build deeper, more secure relationships—with yourself and with the people who matter most.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Just bring your willingness to be honest, curious, and kind to yourself. Healing doesn’t mean perfection—it means presence.
Subscribe and join me in the messy work of becoming more whole, more connected, and more integrated.
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Day 1: Understanding Anxious Attachment
Do you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?
In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.
Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.
When Ghosting Feels Like Abandonment: Calming the Spiral After Rejection
Being ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment.
In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why ghosting can trigger intense emotional reactions and how your nervous system interprets sudden silence as abandonment. When someone disappears without explanation, it can activate old attachment wounds and send your mind into self-blame and rumination.
Anxious Attachment & One-Sided Friendships: When You’re the One Holding It Together
Are you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship?
In Episode 20 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan speaks directly to the anxiously attached heart that loves deeply — and feels exhausted from being the emotional engine of the relationship. When someone you care about is passive, discouraged, or stuck, your nervous system may interpret their distance as danger. So you over-function. You try harder. You carry more. But over time, that effort turns into burnout and resentment.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why anxious attachment confuses effort with love
How over-functioning becomes a survival strategy
The hidden cost of being the constant initiator
The difference between needing reciprocity and needing someone to change
What secure attachment looks like in one-sided dynamics
How to stop over-functioning without becoming cold or cutting someone off
If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I loving this person — or managing my fear of losing them?” this conversation will help you slow down, tolerate space, and move toward secure connection built on mutuality, not exhaustion.
Secure love doesn’t chase or rescue. It shows up — and allows others to show up too.
When Trust Is Broken: Anxious Attachment & Relationship Hurt
What happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?
In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.
Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.
Why Healthy Love Feels Scary
Anxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.
Deciding Under Anxiety: Intuition vs Urgency
In Episode 15 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why anxiety makes decision-making feel urgent, how anxious attachment skews choices, and how to distinguish anxiety-driven urges from true intuition. Learn nervous system tools to make calm, values-aligned decisions you can stand behind.
Healing Anxious Attachment from the Inside Out
If you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan shares how to heal anxious attachment from the inside out using evidence-based therapy approaches like IFS, EFT, DBT, and EMDR. Learn why anxious attachment isn’t a life sentence, how nervous system healing creates real change, and the emotional skills needed to build secure, healthy relationships. This episode includes personal insights, real client transformations, and a clear path toward feeling calm, grounded, and worthy of love.
Feeling Behind in Life: Running Out of Time
In this episode, host Jan, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, explores the deeply familiar fear of “running out of time.” Whether it’s relationships, career, mental health, or life milestones, Jan unpacks why this anxiety shows up, how social comparison and attachment patterns fuel it, and what’s happening in the nervous system when urgency takes over. Through real client examples and a compassionate, trauma-informed lens, she shares practical coping tools—from grounding and journaling to reframing self-talk, prioritizing small steps, and building long-term emotional resilience. This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to fix everything at once, and that meaningful change begins by focusing on what you can control, right now.
Exercise: Calm Your Anxious Mind
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan leads you through a calming grounding exercise to help ease anxious attachment and settle your nervous system. With gentle breathing, body awareness, and soft affirmations, you’ll learn how to feel safer in your body and quiet the urge to stay on high alert.
This short practice is perfect for anyone who feels anxious in relationships, struggles with overthinking, or needs a moment to slow down and reconnect with themselves
Finding Freedom from Fear
In this episode of In The Messy Podcast, psychotherapist Jan opens up about one of her biggest friendship failures and explores why facing our fears is so difficult—but life-changing. Learn how exposure, physical resilience, and the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (AMCC) help you overcome fear, build emotional strength, and break old patterns. Perfect for anyone struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or past mistakes.